TSA–Government Memo Exposes Shocking Truth!
Originally posted on March 31, 2013 @ 9:36 AM
TSA & Its Horrifying Discoveries
TSA (Transportation Security Administration) generally has exactly the wrong kind of publicity. Whether it's groping women and men under color of law (as opposed to enduring advanced see-through scanners), the subject of numerous suits and also a countergroping, strip searching Grandma, or simply making us all take off our shoes (curse you, Richard Reed! Must remember to wear loafers) and letting TSA personnel paw through our luggage, TSA is not exactly loved by the Americans it ostensibly is charged with protecting. Add in the underwear bomb and searching small children (see vid; good touch or bad touch?) and you have a flying public at something close to full boil.
Yet a recent survey shows a practically unbelievable 30% of Americans would submit to a body cavity search! Prepare, then, for a kind of bureaucratic Shock and Awe, courtesy of of a U.S. government Inter-Agency Memo dated March 11, 2013 and supplied by not-for-attribution contacts. TSA, you see, has stopped untold airborne havoc. For starters, in 2012, it confiscated no less than 1215 loaded firearms in carry-on bags!
TSA All The Way?!
The above haul came after screening a whopping 637,582,122 passengers in 199 airports. And where was the worst airport as far as loaded firearms? That would be Atlanta, Georgia's Hartfield International with an appalling 95. From there, it ranges from the sublime to the ridiculous. Lovers of plush toys won't like this next one. In Providence, Rhode Island someone disassembled a .40 caliber (Memo says .45 caliber) semiautomatic pistol and concealed it and and a magazine with two rounds inside three stuffed animals. Even weirder, the man found with it was found to have been set up and was released. Sans gun. Funnier, but still dangerous, was the person in Portland, Oregon who concealed a .357 Magnum pistol in a potted plant. Of pot! Was this person potted?
The airlines may feed us peanuts these days, but we can all agree that flights aren't improved by having someone board while carrying six pounds of black powder, det cord, and old-fashioned combustible fuses. Here's what det cord can do all by itself. Now, imagine that and six pounds of black powder!
Fortunately, TSA personnel in Grand Junction, Colorado headed that one off at the pass. Since we're on a det cord roll, let's also discuss the det cord, two 3.5 ounce propane cans and a simulated sheet of explosives (fake Detasheet) that, were, happily, prevented from boarding in Norfolk, Virginia. Here's Detasheet. And if that's not enough excitement, there was the live 40mm grenade a guy brought to carry on with him at DFW (Dallas-Fort Worth) in Texas. And who wouldn't want to be on board the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania flight which would've had the ultimate party favor–a bottle wrapped in electrical tape and filled with flash powder and three M80 firecrackers on steroids. “Flash powder. What's that?” This is flash powder.
Things may be a bit more sedate, in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. There the carry-on items were vintage. Okay, antiques. Military antiques. Would you believe two live spherical shells for a Civil War 12lb cannon? If you think that's insane, take a look at this.
By contrast, in Redmond, Washington TSA confiscated live blasting caps–much easier to conceal than the aforementioned 16 lb. shell! And don't you love to fly with someone who's got a a fully functional flashbang grenade?
That little outing was blocked by TSA agents at the Northwest Florida Regional airport, as was a simulated IED at Columbus, Ohio. Lovely, isn't it? A scanner alarm at Charleston, South Carolina resulted in a patdown which produced an inert detonator. And what are we to make of the Oakland, California find? Is it, as reported in the Inter-Agency Memo an “IED disguised as wristwatch,” or is it a timing device for an IED? Perhaps it should be kept away from Austin, Texas, where a golf club case had lots more than a powerhouse custom driver. Six sticks of dynamite!
So, the next time your disabled tyke in a wheelchair's deprived of a favorite stuffed toy and set aside for a patdown; the next time you're being groped, your body's seen in all its glory (or lack thereof) on a high tech scanner, or maybe you're forced to doff your Nunn Bush wingtips or those fabulous Jimmy Choos as you wait in that seemingly endless, shuffling line remember. These same TSA people, at airports all over the country, have saved you and your fellow travelers (no, not that kind) not only from the potentially terrible fates detailed above, but also from: bear mace (yes, stops a bear), dead cobras, dead rattlesnakes (poison extraction?), several cane swords, and a dozen live eels (electric or standard model?).
Whose flight would be complete without, say, a marijuana novelty grenade, a butcher knife welded to a walker (for excruciating walk-by attacks?), no less than six samurai swords, a gassed up chainsaw (passenger allowed to continue after merely removing the spark plug!) or a female chastity belt? I leave it up to you to decide the wisdom of this last item. Groping countermeasure or a variant of the underwear bomb?
What are we to make of the the people who'd grace us with the awful stuff detailed above? How many are clueless, how many are insane, how many are would-be or actual criminals or terrorists? The Inter-Agency Memo doesn't tell us that. Wish it did!